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2007-12-13 / View From the Middle

View From The Middle

I Think (HOPE) They Fooled Me For The Last Time!
By Charles Rogers

By Charles Rogers

Now they went and did it! Since the beginning of that war in Iraq they fooled me (I still say it was not intentional) into thinking there were weapons of mass destruction literally all over the place under, maybe, three inches of dirt just outside Baghdad and every eighteen inches or so around the perimeter of the country.

Recently they told me (us) that Iran currently is practically ready to light the fuse on nuclear weapons of mass destruction and they recanted that, saying, "Well, Iran doesn't exactly have nuclear (pronounced "nookyoular") capability now - But they were working on it back in '03!"

The "they" in this case, of course, are those idiots in Washington. The ones I've been generally supporting all these recent years - and yes, that includes (it pains me to say) former Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld, whose big mouth got us deeper and deeper into the mess over there.

Yes, for the most part, I believed in the Central Intelligence Agency and their clandestine doings, probably because I grew up being a James Bond fan.

What a rude awakening when I found out 007 was just a number, and the agency was crammed full of bumbling jackasses who couldn't get out of their own way.

"Duh, Mister President, now we're not too sure about those weapons of damned destruction - no, uh, weapons of Massachusetts destruction - uh, no, duh, something like that." The CIA agent scratches his head. "Anyways, they're not there anymore. Whaddya know?"

And two weeks ago, the same guy (they didn't have the sense to fire him three years earlier) reported to President George W. Bush, very formally, in the Oval Office: "Duh, hi, Mr. President! It's me again! Guess what? We forgot to tell you that Iran stopped getting that noocyoular stuff together a few years ago, so you don't have to be mad at them any more!"

And now we have a new one. It seems those brains in the CIA have come up with one where the agency conveniently (or accidentally? Ha, ha) destroyed two videotapes of interrogations of two suspected terrorists back in 2005.

CIA Director Michael Hayden said last week that the recordings were destroyed on purpose out of fear they would be leaked and reveal the identities of the interrogators. A report by the Associated Press said Hayden told agency employees the sessions were videotaped to provide an "added layer of legal protection for interrogators" since they were using new, "harsh methods" authorized by President Bush.

As a result of learning of the tapes' destruction, the Justice Department, CIA officials and other big wheels are meeting about the situation this week, with a full inquiry in the offing, no doubt.

The Intelligence Committees of both houses of Congress (Isn't there an oxymoron in there somewhere?) are also looking into it. No doubt it won't be long until we find out the tapes were destroyed because the interrogators had been studying the techniques of the soldiers at Abu Ghraib. That's why there were two tapes. One was for practice and the other was the real thing.

"Uh, about that water boarding, Corporal Stevens - Do you think we erred by putting the guy face down on the board?"

"No sir, Captain. I had somebody read me the instructions and she said she was pretty sure that was the way to do it. Of course, she was holding onto that attack dog at the time!"

Now, I have supported most of their c- p throughout this whole mess. I've been supportive and patriotic and, well, if you've read this column with any regularity, you'll know I haven't been exactly anti-Conservative, etc., etc.

But I think I've just about had it now.

Senator Joe Biden, a Democrat and chairman of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee, as well as a candidate for President, was on one of the Sunday morning interview shows last weekend and came up with probably one of the best political lines I've heard in a long time when he said of President Bush & Company: "This is just like the Nixon Administration - without the competence!"

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